


Co-Captains

by josiechambers3



Series: Spork One-Shot Collection [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Adorable space nerds, M/M, Spork, USS Enterprise - Freeform, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 19:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7520413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josiechambers3/pseuds/josiechambers3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk and Spock get into an argument about who is captain.</p><p>*</p><p>I DO NOT OWN STAR TREK. APOLOGIES FOR ANY OOC-NESS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Co-Captains

**Author's Note:**

> A second one. Yay! :D  
> This one is shorter and (hopefully) funnier than the last one, although I personally thought the last one was pretty hilarious...enjoy! :)

"I'm the captain!"

"I believe you are mistaken. It is most logical that I am the captain of this ship."

As one could tell, Kirk and Spock were having a bit of an argument.

Their argument made sense, though—the position of commander of the U.S.S. Enterprise had changed hands so much recently, especially between the two of them, that no one was really sure who was the captain anymore. (Seriously. How did the directors deal with it? Kirk had no earthly idea.)

"Come on! I'm captain!" Kirk insisted. He looked at the Vulcan with big puppy dog eyes.

"That is a low blow indeed, James," Spock replied stiffly. Jim knew that he couldn't resist the puppy eyes...but Spock somehow managed to this once. He opened his mouth to launch a lengthy explanation of just why he should be captain...backed with evidence, even.

Kirk groaned. "Save the long speeches for when I'm having trouble sleeping! And call me Jim, dammit!" He whipped his head around to look at McCoy and Scotty. "C'mon! I should be the captain, guys! Back me up!"

Bones frowned and shook his head adamantly. "Leave me out of this one, Jim." He had no desire to get on Spock's bad side (not that it was really a "bad side," per se,) as those that did were usually subjected to the horrendous tortures of long ramblings about the most boring intellectual topics in the universe and-slash-or subjected to the Vulcan nerve pinch.

"Such a good friend you are, Bones," Kirk harrumphed. He glared at Spock. "Why can't you just be as submissive as you were the other night and let me be captain?!"

Sulu clapped his hands over an innocent Chekhov's ears. "Whoa. We did not need to know that."

The rest of the crew assembled at the bridge nodded in emphatic agreement.

The tips of Spock's ears turned a bit green in embarrassment, but he refused to acknowledge Kirk's low blow. Instead, Spock reluctantly began to suggest a compromise, in an attempt to keep his boyfriend from further disclosing their...erm, private life.

"James—Jim, if I may suggest a compromise."

Kirk frowned. "Sure. Whatever."

"If it really matters that much to you, we can be...co-captains," Spock offered. "It has never been done before in the history of the Federation, but there is nothing in the rules that explicitly states it cannot be done."

Kirk scowled heavily. "...Fine."

There was a moment of relieved silence, in which the rest of the crew breathed sighs of relief, thinking that it was over. But then...

"Wait, who's gonna sit in the chair?" Kirk asked.

\---

After another long bout of arguing, Spock and Kirk had entered another uneasy compromise. An extremely uneasy compromise.

"...Co-Captain Kirk, will this really be both comfortable and efficient enough for daily work?" Spock asked uneasily.

"O-of course it is!" Kirk spluttered in a slightly choked voice. "Wh...why would sharing the chair be a problem?" He fished around for support. "P-plus, we won't have to install a new one, which will take both extra time and money!"

Yes, they had agreed to share the chair. But it was exceedingly difficult and uncomfortable, especially since...

"I would not have an issue with this if we both fit on it side by side," Spock stated. "However, as it stands—or sits, I suppose—we do not." He twisted around to look at his boyfriend. "Are you really sure that this will work with me sitting on you lap?"

...especially since Spock had to sit on Kirk's lap.

Yes, it was an extremely uneasy compromise. Especially for Spock, who had to sit on Kirk's lap. And especially for Kirk, who had...other problems.

"Y-yeah!" Kirk laughed nervously. "It'll work. Why wouldn't it work?"

Spock and Kirk both knew exactly why it wouldn't work, but neither dared to say it out loud. They knew because they could both feel Kirk's reaction to Spock being in his lap.

And it was getting worse.

Kirk quickly relented. "All right, we'll get another goddamn chair installed!" he practically yelled. He stood abruptly. "Uh...if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom." He quickly excused himself and left.

Mildly relieved for that to be over with, Spock instructed Scotty to place an order for another captain's chair and to get some engineers started on rewiring the electronics beneath the floor of the bridge to accommodate another chair. He allowed himself to sit on the chair as he waited for his co-captain to come back, glad to have that argument over with. (The two of them didn't argue much, surprisingly, but when they did, they were both too stubborn to give in....)

The entire crew on the bridge let out another relieved sigh. Surely it was all over now!

But when Kirk returned....

"Wait," Kirk realized as he re-entered the bridge, having relieved himself of the issue he'd had before leaving, "so who's gonna be the first mate?"

The entire crew groaned. There they went again....

**Author's Note:**

> I'm feeling so deliciously evil. MUAHAHA! You really couldn't guess from these that I'm asexual and the oblivious, innocent baby of my group of besties, could you? Usually I can't point out an innuendo to save my life, and yet here I am, writing some.... xD BE PROUD, GUYS!!! JOSIE'S FINALLY GROWING UP!!!  
> Again, apologies for horrible-ness and OOC-ness. As of writing this, I have been in this fandom and have been a Spirk shipper for a whopping two days.  
> ...But I had fun writing it, and you (hopefully) had fun reading it, so that's what counts, right guys? *sweatdrops*


End file.
